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I go to a wake ... Grandpa has died from a colleague and I accompanied him to the morgue ... And the truth is that the funeral is a curious place ... There are up bar, which incidentally, has great atmosphere, it is the only one who does not close all the city ...
first thing you find when you get there are a lot of wreaths ... What I say ...! Why do you call that "crown"? I have never seen a dead man with that in mind ... More than a crown like a life preserver, must have evil intentions to give to a dead man a life preserver. The crowns
see several tapes labeled and all. In almost all there tapes and messages they carry, are to read: "Your grandchildren will not forget you", "Your office mates will not forget." You think ... but who do you say? "The dead ...?. The dead do not seem very fond of reading. Also, how do you "do not forget?". But man, if you just die! How to forget!
- Hey, what are we doing here in the morgue?
- I do not know, I remember very well, I think the grandfather is dead! - Let's ask the waiter!
I think the bar is the key to the morgue. Because if it were not for the drinks that you take the staff did not understand everything that happens there: First, the business is called Funeral!. How disrespectful is that? ... Undertakers!, Seems the mark of a shampoo for the dead:
"Undertakers, the shampoo does not irritate the eyes!".
Then wash the head with shampoo dead "funeral" ... we're running, the "Funeral March" ... "Funeral March? This is already messing! Sure to leave funeral march means to go to boogie! But less sense
Talks are still people. Suddenly a guy comes and says, "We are nothing!". Hey, how that we are nobody? There will be no you! I'm a fucking guy! And another drop ... "Today we are here and tomorrow we're there." Man, look, that's the good thing about having a car ... In
wakes you realize that if you want to speak well of you, there's like dying. If for example you were a gambling addiction, people will say ... "There was nothing his" ... And if you had a very bad mood ... "It seemed that ate the world and then did not eat anyone ...".
And here's the thing comes alive and jumps one: "And speaking of eating, how liked the chicken!. Do you remember that time you ate five chickens in one sitting ...?". And another: "And while he threw a wall with your shoulder?. I will forgive, but if you ate five chickens in a row and threw bricks with his shoulder, how is it that he had not killed before?
If these stories of dead people get the giggles and suddenly you say, "Aaaaaaay !!... if we do not laugh, what we do ...?". How do we do that? Then mourn, damn, what for it are in a wake!
And then it creates an awkward silence, until someone comes up with something original to say ... "Well look, has already quit ...". Well, yes ... the dead have quit, but others do not stop ... That there is an environment that only need to go dancing Michael Jackson Thriller ... I think instead of putting candles in the coffin you should put anti-fog lights ... It is very strong! The dead go to another neighborhood smoked like salmon. Come on, think that if you're late ... "Damn, what the family already being incinerated on their own!".
But my phrases that impress me most are those who call themselves the "sympathy" ... "I'll walk in feeling ...!". Or that one that says ... "He passed away" in that it does are right ... For the whole life with Ikea particle board furniture and when you die you are put in a coffin of solid oak ... And maybe you've spent your life driving a Opel Corsa and now you go to another neighborhood in a Mercedes de puta madre ... And with a driver! Very good. Grande and they say is the safest car in the world! A good hours!.
Anyway, I have no clear what I want to do with me when I die. He had thought about cremation, but does not convince me. Because the family van with crowns of flowers and the coffin, and soon come out with a ceramic cup and of course, between the crowns and the cup seems to have won the Tour of Spain. So I'm
thought of donating my body to science. So no wake or anything. Donate the ears the wax museum, a wax plug is mine to make the Three Tenors ... Igartiburu Anne's heart, Ah! For her to do: "Hello, have hearts ... Hearts Gulf Today" ... And the liver and give it to JB, who have won it. "
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